What loneliness taught me.

7/9/2013

I think the feeling of loneliness
creeps up and grabs us (from time to time)
to make sure we don't settle for fluff.

Loneliness, at least the kind I sometimes experience,
is such a ruthless state... it will accept no counterfeit
consolation. No hugs from a mannequin. Or fake
laughter from a can. This grizzly beast strips me,
not as a cruelty... but as a centering.

This is the work of the tart and the terrible,
to help us grow from a weeble-wobble,
to a sure-footed person who can dance
without consensus.

3 Comments

Grace Kerina link

7/9/2013 12:12:39 am

Whew. So true. Hard to look at sometimes. I find that I tend to call loneliness other things, like "I miss ______" – missing a person or an experience or a having of something I don't have. I love your association of loneliness with a desire for something true. When missing something, I get myself back to center my looking around at what I already truly have. Thanks for your thoughts, Erika.

Fenesha link

7/9/2013 02:17:46 am

I agree that loneliness begs us to be brave enough to dance without consensus. You always have great insight. I wonder how you would describe the differences between loneliness and fullness during a state of alone.

Erika Harris link

7/9/2013 08:15:52 pm

Thank you so much, Grace and Fenesha, for your thoughtful presence and comments. They are much appreciated, and feel like real companionship... an antidote to loneliness :-)

I was intentional in the choice and use of the word 'loneliness'... usually defined as solitary isolation. I used to avoid or euphemize the felt experience of it... I cast it off as a lesser emotion I'd rather not claim or name. So, in this post, I come to it with a surrender and acknowledgement of the empty, hollow 'thud' that -- in the weirdest way -- feels like a cleansing of some sort.

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An Existential Journal

The question "How are you?" is PROFOUND.

But it has been watered-down to a synonym for "Hello."

Forced or fake auto-responses of obligated okay-ness are expected.

(And if you are going through something tragic, it really doesn't matter! Every social encounter OPENS with this well-established Ritual of Insincerity.)

The question "How are you?" prompts an answer that begins with "I AM _____________."

This means many times each day, you are invited to SPEAK THE MOST POWERFUL STATEMENT that can be spoken of yourself.

And the socially-expected thing to do, is be QUICK + SLICK with your answer.

For a change... TAKE YOUR TIME, and tell your truth. ✍🏾